Squirrels are such freaky little rodents. When I run in the park, if I stop anywhere near a tree, they descend like ants at a picnic.

They tend to surround me and will climb up on my shoes if I let them. Here is a pod. Wait.  What do you call a group of squirrels? A herd? A gaggle?  I like gaggle. Here is a gaggle of squirrels eating corn.


Sniffing my Newtons.  They are yellow, so must be CORN!!


One word on squirrels. Yes, they are friendly, and you may offer a foot covered in Newton  goodness (Hello better!) but do not offer your hand. I made this mistake and ran home dripping blood everywhere one day.  The little s*$t reached out and grabbed my hand and  Holy Mother of Gawd, those little claws are like needles.  He grabbed my fingers and pulled my hand toward him to smell it and those needle fingers raked my hand and fingers, tearing them up. (How many times can you mention fingers in one sentence?  Excess digit verbiage alert!)   Ouch, and do I need to even mention squirrel germs and rabies? Just keep your hands to yourself.


This day a man walked by and I said “Looks like I have a little friend” and he replied  snottily “Well, I hope you are here in the summer to keep feeding them.” And I shot back, “I am not feeding them…. and I LIVE here. Do you?”

Um, no. It turns out he is a “winter Texan”.  They are the ones that feed the squirrels.  I will not use this space to rant about the rudeness of some of these folks….well, maybe I will a little bit.  I will say that many (certainly a few bad apples spoil the whole bunch can unfortunately apply here) act like they own my town when they descend upon us each winter.  It is quite insane how rude they can be; at the grocery store, on the running trails.  Some won’t even say “hello” when you greet them and I can’t tell you how many times I have been almost run over by them on my bike and while out running .  You can tell by the license plates they are not locals. One lady almost ran me off the road when she cut in front of me with a kayak hanging out the back of her pickup.  The boat went right over my front wheel! When I confronted her she bitched me out and said I needed to get off the road. I have never wanted a squirt gun so much in my life.  One of those super soakers would have been epic.  Traveling here each winter DOES NOT MAKE YOU A TEXAN. It makes you a tourist, and here’s a clue….TEXANS DO NOT ACT LIKE RUDE ASSHATS.  Word.


Back to squirrels.  (I like them better sometimes, seriously) This one was my little creeper.


Come clooooser my little squirrel, creeper friend.


Streeeeeetch to the weird black thing that doesn’t look like corn but oh my Gawd it could be something to eat let me check it out…..


No food. At ease. He even posed for a picture.  He is a nobel little fella.


And on the 5th day God created squirrels, nuts and corn. And all the runners started looking down when they ran to avoid tripping over them. And it was good.

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