I have been a bit nostalgic for days when all of my kids were little.
Time blows by so fast, sometimes I think I missed some of those moments that you can only appreciate in hindsight. I wish I had spent more time savoring the seemingly insignificant stuff: diaper changes, tupperware all over the floor and a toddler sitting in the big drawer said tupperware was housed in, night feedings, car seats, the smell of a newborns head or just the simple but awesome blessing of a babies arms wrapped around your neck.
I was talking to my friend Chris (You remember Notes From The Trenches? I know, I miss her blog too. I am lucky to have a forever friend thanks to that blog) a few months back and she said something I was nodding my head furiously about….”Sometimes I feel like I wished it away!”. Perfectly put, because how many times have you found yourself looking forward, instead of living the moment.
I am notorious for this. I am a dreamer by default. It is a good thing and can be an annoying thing, depending on the day. I day dream out loud to Bill non-stop and at times it overwhelms him because he is decidedly not a big dreamer. He is a here-and-now kinda guy and the chaos of my mind spewing forth over coffee makes his head spin. Why? Because I am always shaking things up and bringing in some new thing that we need to do. Remember the 34 foot 5th wheel that ended up in our driveway and lives? Right! He kind of likes the status quo and can be heard saying things like “Oh my God, no we are not going to Chile and Peru. How about Port A, Walter Mitty?”.
With growing kids I am really feeling the pull to slow things down and smell the roses so to speak, so my mind starts to wander to grand adventures with just my little family. In spite of this website, we are a very private family and we like our time alone together. It can be hard with friends, commitments and just day to day living for me to get that alone time that is so important. Just us.
I feel almost a melancholy panic that my kids are leaving the nest at an alarming rate, and I want to do something to enjoy the last few years before they break out on their own. In comes my scheming and day dreaming.
I frequently tell Bill “It’s now or never.” and he responds “Jody, we did that. It was awesome and now we are doing something different. Every day.” Or I will say “I want us to be extraordinary, not ordinary”, and he shakes his head and says “We are. Go look back at your pictures”. And I do, which makes me oh so very nostalgic. Full circle.
I have to learn to see that each day is Now or Never. We tend to live that way even though I often seem to forget. We have always been a curiosity because we tend to live the moment more than most. In general, we are a Hail Mary family in a world full of obligations and people who Do Not, absolutely Do Not, live for the moment. Remember, there are Things That Need To Be Done!! It can be one conflict after another, and even the most simple decisions can be made into hand wringing worryfests. I think it is the mindset of the world to be too busy. It rubbed off on me for a season. My anxiety level and frustration got to me like it has never before. I can’t buy into it and I won’t ever again.
My kids are now 20, 17, 14 and 10. No more single digits. It is a whole new phase of our lives and as much as I long for the days when they were small, I am learning that this new season of our lives is also precious and must not be “wished away” or missed by being stuck in the past….a beautiful past full of tiny hands, butterfly kisses and the stuff that magical memories are made of. A season of life.
Where we are right now in our lives is another precious season, and as much as looking back is fun and can make you feel very wistful and misty eyed, you just can’t get stuck in that mindset. Nor can you fall into the trap of being average and not thinking big…..it’s all about being somewhere in between. You know what I mean?
We may not head to Peru tomorrow, but I am still scheming and driving Bill nuts. That 5th wheel sits unused and honestly, I think we need to remedy that pronto. Don’t you?
I started this blog 10 years ago in May of 2004. I have shared my life not only for the fun of it, but as a diary of such for my kids to have one day. Each post was just a snippet of our day to day life…a glimpse so to speak. The photos I posted were a very small bit of the thousands I have, many of which I kept to myself to treasure. In the coming weeks and months, I will post some of those that you haven’t seen to celebrate 10 years in the life of our family. I hope you enjoy them and can see a deeper glimpse into these people I love so much.