Euphoria
I am trying very hard to turn loose of my frustrations and not allow them to jack with my life. But, damn, Thursday was rough.
Nothing in particular happened. That is the absolute beauty of hormones. Nothing has to happen to make me feel like this. It just comes out of the blue and slam dunks me to the floor.
And as fast as it comes, it goes. There is a most definitely a catch to making it go. I have to get my mind back on the things that are good and true in my life.
I feel really sorry for Bill when I am like this, because the truth is, I am a real bitch to deal with. I guess love gives him the strength to wrestle with it, but I also think it is just in his character to see the good in everything, even when I cannot see it in myself.
Sunday we went out for breakfast, and afterward I grabbed my iPod and went out the door for a run, before anything else could come out of my mouth to ruin the day. Exercise grounds me and helps shake the fog.
I walked at first, then I ran. And I ran and ran. I ran until sweat ran down my face. I ran until all the buzzing, angry words disappeared from my head. I ran and listened to John Denver sing words of beauty and love. I ran as I allowed my thoughts to turn to our boat. I ran until all of the frustration was gone.
Then I walked to my car and drove home.
As soon as I arrived, we loaded up the truck and went to the boat.
Bill prepared the lines, then I took us out of our slip, and out of the harbor. Up went the sails, and she took the small breeze and ran with it. I shut off the engine and asked Bill where we were going.
He replied, “I don’t know. You’re the captain today”.
And so we sailed across water that I feel as if I have known my whole life. Ancient water, like an old friend, that greats me with its mysterious, swimming life forms teaming below its surface.
What gives me euphoria? The sea….that amazing liquid I have found my way back to after 10 years, like some reverse, Darwinian creature.
Euphoria tries to elude me. It plays games with me, hiding behind the clouds and my ability to just accept the gift from God of living in this amazing place, no strings attached.
Sunday it found me as the southern wind filled our sails and the boat, eager to accept the gift for me, glided across a bay filled with dolphins.
I have baggage I need to let go of. It is no ones fault except my own. I have allowed it to take the wind from my sails at times and from having full peace here. I have allowed it to steal the glory God deserves.
Today I close my eyes, raise up my hands and open them, allowing God to take those things away on the wind.
It is as simple as that, if we let it be.
Beautiful Jody, and God will take it, and give you just the peace you experienced. I loved this, thanks for sharing it.
Posts like this one are why I love reading your blog.
You know, all of us experience the highs and lows of life but not all of us know how to let it go or to trust God. I think that’s why you’ll always be just fine – you’ve got all the right stuff in order. We should all be so lucky!
Wow.
I could literally see the sweat down your face and your struggle to rid your mind.
Thanks for the thoughts….
Good for you — to get your mind AND body in shape. Offer that suffering up to God — works every time.
I’m a nut job- let’s just get that clear. And of course there is the whole i don’t really know you…
The one thought that runs through my head when I read some of your posts?
“I wonder what she is waiting for?”
See that’s the thing. We didn’t wait. We jumped in and did what everyone told us not to do. Damn the torpedos, full steam ahead. Changes in lattitude, changes in attitude………..it is just hard to move past some of the obstacles that got in the way…..to reconcile my heart that not everyone agreed with our choices and to just not allow that to bring our happiness down. It was my fault, because I allowed it. I have let go of it now, finally. That little issue of PMDD (premenstural dysphoric disorder-similiar to PMS on crack-you can read about it here I deal with it via exercise and it really works very well.) sometimes gets the best of me.
I’m sorry… I’ve been reading for over a year now and have a fair (you know, by way of the internet) sense of what your talking about here, the move etc. I meant it more like ‘waiting for the other shoe to drop’ kind of waiting.
This sounds so, so, blech…I don’t know. I mean no harm or offense. It was an off hand comment that was more of an evoked feeling I get.
Jody says: Oh my goodness, no offense taken at all!!! I gotcha. Yes, that whole waiting for the next shoe to drop thing. Ugh, just when I think I have a handle on it, I get my period (sorry guys) and all hell breaks lose.
Please, I’m really just wacky like that. I apologize.
No need to apologize at all.
PS. Thanks for the drink recipe! I’ll give that a try. I absolutely love the lime and gin combination.