Be prepared

It was overcast, and we were offshore. The seas were wild. Everything looked gray and gloomy.

The boat we were on was a Formosa 51′. I find it weird that this detail was in my brain. The decks were wooden planks, but every time a gust of wind and a wave hit us, she heeled over and you had to grab onto something to keep from slipping across the deck in spite of the wood.

I was at the back of the boat tending to something, when I turned and looked toward mid-ship. I shook my head in disbelief at what I saw, but as much as I tried to wish it away, the image of Mia (3yo), in all her tinyness, standing on deck without her life jacket on would not go away.

The boat was in the trough of a wave, and therefore somewhat flat, but I turned to see a wave approaching, so I flung myself toward her. See, I knew what was going to happen and it did. The wind hit the sails, the boat rose on the swell, then heeled over to port as it raced down the wave, and I watched in horror as Mia slid down the deck toward the life lines. I screamed out “Man overboard” as I saw her tumble over the side of the boat.

I looked behind the boat to see her attempting to swim and stay on the surface. I made a mental note of where she was in the boat wake, and then jumped off the boat. Bill threw me a life preserver, and I grabbed it and started to swim toward where I thought she was.

The waves became smooth and rolling. I screamed out her name. Everything around me got silent. She did not reply. It was at that moment that I knew she had gone under…..that I would never find her, and I jolted awake.

This is what I dreamed on Saturday night. To call it a nightmare is an understatement. It was so real. All the way to the feel of the teak wood deck and the humid air around me, to the utter panic I felt when I knew without a doubt that she had gone under and there was no way that I would find her in the murky, murky, enormous depths.

When I awoke, I pulled my daughter close to me and held her, listening to her breathe. I put my hand on her chest and the beating of her heart slowed down the pounding of my own. I was disturbed beyond belief. I finally fell back to sleep at dawn.

I had no idea I was harboring such thoughts. Such tremendous worry. I have had a dream like this once before. I think it is every sailing parents nightmare.

I am asked questions all the time from parents who don’t sail and can’t believe that we do with 4 kids.

“How do you watch them all?”

“What would you do if one of them fell off?”

“How can you put them at such risk?”

I have friends who keep little special hammers in their cars in case their auto gets washed into the water during a flash flood while they and their kids are in it. I have heard people verbalize fear of this happening and they ask “How would I get them all out in time?”

Obviously, sailing parents wonder the same thing….how do I keep them safe in rough weather or if we, God forbid, capsize?

As my husband says, simply: “Well, you will just do it. Stop worrying and just be prepared.”

My children are in life jackets at all times on the boat. When we are at anchor, they are allowed to take them off below deck, but on deck, they must have them on, no questions asked. My 13yo is the only one who is allowed on deck without one……in the bay. Offshore, EVERYONE will wear a life jacket and be clipped into a life line.

My nightmare is not a far fetched scenario. It could happen. Mia knows how to take off her life jacket by herself. She could wander on deck in the confusion that happens during a storm.

The key word here is “could”. She could. But WOULD she? Probably not. She has been grilled and trained that the life jacket is a part of her, and she knows this. She has been educated about safety on a boat until she probably wants to bang her head against wood. And she will continue to hear about it. See, it is much like anything that you teach your children, such as wearing a helmet when riding a bike, or not touching a hot stove.

But the fact of the matter is…she is 4, and I am the one in charge of her safety, not her. Same with my 7yo, 10yo and 13yo.

I love the Congers motto, that the most dangerous thing on the boat is probably mom, because it is so dang true. I take being vigilant to a new level when we step on the boat.

For the first few months, as I bellowed orders and freaked out every time someone even approached the life lines, my husband would have to tell me “Back off. We want this to be FUN for them. No one is going to die”.

Your damn straight no one is going to die. Hyper-vigilaaaaant Mooooom is on duty.

And then I started to chill out, and life got enjoyable on the boat…..

Secretly, I have my supermom costume on just below my clothes. I am always on guard. I watch them constantly, and never let them out of my site while on deck. I make the little ones go below in squalls and heavy air, always. I believe in avoiding tragedy and will leave the life learning lessons for dockside. It is one thing for your child to learn that the stove is hot by touching it, it is quite another to learn the shock of falling off a boat while under sail offshore.

My dream is not some premonition of things to come. It is a reminder that the unexpected can happen and it is my job to think fast and never let my guard down. I do believe I can handle that.

But I can tell you one thing……..the image of my child, in that dream, rolling off the boat without a life jacket on in heavy seas will NEVER be erased from my mind.

The squall...or, the lull before the slam.

**The above image was taken on a day that the weather predicted partly sunny skies and winds 5-10mph. I snapped it right before the first of many squalls came blowing through, then sent the littles down below. Those calm waters didn’t last long. The bay got just a bit angry, and the winds were blowing 15-20 with gusts up to 25 and higher. By offshore standards this was a nothing day. Bill laughs that I use it as an example. We have certainly sailed in much heavier weather. My point is, being prepared, regardless of weather predictions, can be the difference between going home smiling and talking about a fun day of sailing -vs- having to shell out some big bucks on a ripped sail or much, much, much worse….an injured kiddo.