I was driving down the road, the giant rolling hills of Texas all around me. It was spring, and the weather had just warmed up, and I was feeling fantastic. I had just recently come out of a year long pity party that I had started 2 weeks before my 2nd son was born. I had enjoyed a good, hard pout because my husband had moved his family to what was truly the middle of nowhere in my opinion. Our house was smack dab in the middle of a 20,000 acre ranch. We had rattle snakes and scorpions and I remember feeling like not soul on earth, aside from my immediate family, knew that I existed.
I spent the first year of Cody’s life being pissed off at everything and everyone.
The only way that I came out of it was through the grace of God.
When Jesus rescues you from yourself, there is cause for celebration, and I was in the mood to celebrate.
I looked out the window and saw that it had starting to rain. I pulled off the road and turned to Cory, then 4 1/2. I said “Let’s dance in the rain!”.
He shook his head and said “No way!!”, but Cody, then 18 months, squealed from his car seat in the back “I dance in da wain!”
We got out of the car and I held his fat little body in my arms and danced with him in the warm spring rain.
We danced, splashed laughed and got soaked to the bone while the angels sang. God smiled and said “Welcome back” with each clap of thunder.
I feel that thunder rolling inside of me again. It has been coming in waves…..a gently clap here, a distant, deep rumble there. It rolled in last August while I was on a walk, and among the the flashes of lightening God said “It doesn’t matter where you live, as long as you take me with you”…..then I promptly left Him with His bags packed by the door.
This past weekend, I went back and got Him. Do you want to know what was a miracle? He was still standing in the same place waiting for me, bags by His side.
We went to church this weekend. Not the one down the street where we have been trying to stick a square peg in a round hole, but at a Lutheran church. We sang “All Things Bright and Beautiful” and I cried while my children sat smiling in the pews…..pews that felt like home. I felt my heart swell when, instead of quickly walking to our car alone, I watched the people crowd around the kids and Bill, welcoming us after the service. That was on Sunday…..by Tuesday, that Pastor was in my living room praying with my husband and I. It was an unprompted visit from a man who wants to bring the love of God to everyone he meets.
This year has been wonderful, stressful, joyful and empty all at once. It has been reaffirming, and a welcome homecoming for my body and mind. We left behind so very much, but also gained so much as well.
Life here is so full and complete now. I don’t want to miss one moment of it. I will be taking communion at our new church this Sunday for the first time since we moved here. To me, it feels like a celebration as big as baptism.
It is time to seriously, and without compromise, limit my online time. I am not sure what that will eventually mean. I guess it will come to me in time, but for now I have bought a kitchen timer. When it goes off, so do I, no questions asked. I am also using it to cut out the fussing and fighting that goes on with the kids in their NEED to be on Runescape and Littlest Pet Shop. Ding, on to the next person.
It has been 9 years since that spring when I danced in the rain with my son. I have since had 2 more children and moved 3 times. I know that it is cliche to say, but my kids are growing up so very fast. When I look back on that year of anger so long ago, I could feel sadness of time missed. I do, but I am grateful for a deep hole to have fallen into, so that I had no other choice but to look up.
It’s time to dance in the rain with my children. We need a good, hard rain. It will probably be a summer rain this time, and a hint of sea water will be in it. I am watching the sky with a smile.
“So I will dance with Cinderella
While she is here in my arms
‘Cause I know something the prince never knew
Oh, I will dance with Cinderella
I don’t wanna miss even one song,
Cuz all too soon the clock will strike midnight
And she’ll be gone.” ~ Steven Curtis Chapman
p.s……..this picture makes me ovulate. I mean, is there nothing more scrumptious than watching a daddy dance with his daughter standing on his shoes?
Hmm….I need some rescuing from myself right about now. How does one get Him to do it?
ooops- you know i meant *no longer *weighed down, waiting and wanting, right?
Dance…hmmm…how does it go… Dance like nobody’s watching- that’s it. You sound so much more free, unencumbered, weighed down, waiting and wanting. The other shoe has dropped and it was the golden slipper!!
I know I’m crazy and a total stranger and we’ve ‘ talked’ about this before… I love reading here and will always be checking in for pictures and notes. Thanks for sharing parts of your life with us (me).
what a beautiful post! Thank God for a God who rescues us from ourselves…. and who isn’t surprised or dismayed at having to do it!!
I love pictures of my girls on daddies feet. There is something so special about them.
On a side note I LOVE your table and chairs!
I am so very happy for you all. So happy you are back where you belong. Yes, you have come a long way from that place in the middle of nowhere, but I do know that ranching town was a place for conversions in yours and Bill’s lives. It’s such a wonder how God does wonderful things for us no matter where we end up and what choices we make. And don’t ever forget — we made a killing on Beanie Babies that you snagged at the store in the middle of that town square!!! We were ebay pioneers!!!
How wonderful that you have decided to take your family to church. I love reading about other’s spiritual journeys. I am so happy for you and your happiness!
I’m glad that you have come to this new place in your journey.
Your year of anger makes me think. It is so hard to let go of that when we feel that life circumstances are not what we want.
I am glad for you, that you have come to a new place in your journey.
Your year of anger makes me think. It is such a hard thing to let go of that and find joy even when circumstances of life are not what we want.
“When Jesus rescues you from yourself, there is cause for celebration…
So true. So very true.
Trying to grab the joy of the moment – it’s been hard to do lately. Not sure why.
Hasn’t He saved us all from ourselves? So why am I not celebrating?
Awesome post Jody! Truly.
Welcome home. I remember several weeks (months?) ago you wrote that you were going to break from blogging to spend time with the family and basically encouraged all of us to not let life go by while we waste time on the computer, anyway, the post was there one day and the next, I checked your site and you had removed the post and there was not a reference to it – I wondered for a long time if I imagined reading it, but was happy to continue to periodically “catch” up with adventures of your family. From some of your comments I knew you had a faith, I am glad you have found what could be your church home. Oh, and God did not let you leave Him by the road, He was with you whole time.
Walls of pain and walls of doubt
Walls of pride can’t keep Him out
He walks through walls,
He walks through walls.
–Julie Miller
His blessings to you and your lovely family.
Debbie