Multi tasking in the shower

My husband frequently tells me that my showers last too long.  When I tell him I am going to head into the bathroom for a "quick shower" he smirks and says "Yeah, right".  He says tells me that I am obsessive compulsive about cleanliness, and that it is not a shower to me, it is a "sterilization process".

His showers last about 10 seconds…..long enough for water to wet his body, run his hand and a pea sized dollop of shampoo through is sheared hair, and lather his body with a bar of soap.  I promise you, it takes him longer to dry off than it does to shower.

I, on the other hand, turn on the water, and while it is heating up, must bring out a basket of hair clips and hair bands to place on the floor for screaming Mimi to play with.  This distracts her long enough for me to wet my body and begin to shampoo my hair.  At this moment she discovers that I have disappeared into the cave in the wall, and she begins wailing, gnashing her teeth and tearing her garments.   No matter how many attempts I make at opening the door to let her know I am still in there, she stands with her hands on the glass mourning her loss. 

I rinse my long hair of the shampoo, apply cream rinse (silly me) while singing the Mama Mia Diarrhea Song at the top of my lungs in an attempt to convince her that I am not lost forever.

I lather my body with soap, rinse, then begin the process of shaving my legs.  I multi task while I have a razor to my legs.  Mama Mia’s screams have made the dead rise by now, so I am trying to appease her by drawing pictures on the glass door, all the while gliding a sharp razor around bony prominences.  Insane dialogs flow out of my mouth "What are you doing Mia?  Are you having fun?  Mommy is here!  I have not disappeared behind a hidden trap door in the shower.  Almost done.  Can you go get a dolly to play with.  Does your throat ever hurt you after screaming bloody murder for 10 minutes?"

I rinse off, open the door and the screams stop.  As I dry, she sees her meal delivery vessels, and begins whining for a nursie.  I half dress, sit down and nurse her, then finish dressing.

I emerge, clean but not refreshed mentally.  The first words I hear from Bill are "Showers should not last that long.  It is a waste of water.  What DO you do in there?"

"Use your imagination, honey", is all I can say.