how to be a cheap drunk

1.  Tell your husband you want to go out to dinner with the kids.

2.  Tell him it must be some place that has margaritas.

3.  Agree to walking across the street to the only restaurant in town that sells margaritas, because it is the only restaurant in town, period.

4.  Down the first one, while your husband drinks water.

5.  Order your food….and the second margarita….this time a Blue Margarita.

6.  Laugh as you kids fight over the paper drink umbrellas, while your husband cringes because half the people in the restaurant are his patients (whom he most surely has seen naked) and they are seeing that his children are wild and his wife is a lush.

7.  Go up to the salad bar, and as one super-sweet lady asks you if you are Dr. Bills wife and then proceeds to tell you how her whole family goes to Dr. Bill and how much they love him, give her the thumbs up sign, because you are cultured.

8.  Cut into your sizzling steak, and enjoy the wonderful flavor of it.

9.  When your husband says, "Look at your shirt.  It looks like you killed your own meat by shaking it back and forth in your jaws", glance down and see it covered in massive grease spots. 

10.  Pay the bill, and walk on home.

9.  Wake up HUNG OVER, from two drinks?  TWO DRINKS!!!

10. You realize that #9 is due to the fact that:

      a.  we rarely drink

      b.  are getting old

      c.  it must have been cheap tequila in the margarita and you are used to drinking (on the rare occasion that you indeed drink) El Presidente at $32 a bottle because your friend, whose family owns a liquor distributing company in Mexico City, turned you onto it, and now nothing else will do.

      d.  All of the above.