A future visit to the OR

Have had a long day. 

Quinn had an appointment with his orthopedic doc, and the news was not the best.  I was expecting it, but it is still hurts my mind.   His foot was doing so great, then he had a HUGE growth spurt and all the stretching in the world was not going to work. 

Quinn will have to have surgery on his clubfoot leg.  He will be getting what is called a TAL(tendo Achilles lengthening) and a posterior tibial lengthening.  As far as clubfoot surgery goes, this is very minor.  He will have a 1 1/2 inch incision in his calf area, and the Achilles and the posterior tibialis will be lengthened at the point of muscle insertion.  He will be in the hospital for a day, then in a cast for 4 weeks, and it will be a walking cast at that. 

Thank God we did the Dimeglio method, because without it, Quinn would have had major reconstructive surgery, and recurrent problems his whole life.  Right now, his foot is structurally normal, meaning that all the bones are in the right place.  It is also completely functional.  It is just that the tight Achilles is keeping him from flexing his foot properly, and he is walking without putting the heel of his foot down all the way.  If it continues, then the foot can start changing structurally, and we do not want that.

While I am aware that there are worse things that could happen and I am well aware of my blessings and how fortunate we are, I am still whacked out and trying to process this information.  I can’t even begin to sort out the swirl of thoughts I am having, one of which is that we screwed up by not continuing through his 4th year with the use of the DBB brace that he wore at night.  I am mentally beating myself up for this, and no amount of encouragement will make me feel better about it.  There is no turning back, and I screwed up royally, IMHO.  Supposedly they should not have to wear the brace after age 4, but we should have continued….I am convinced of this. 

You cannot know how frustrated I feel.  You could never understand how hard the 6 months of DAILY 4 hour round trips to the physical therapist were (we lived 2 hours from the therapist and doctor).  This was followed by 3 more months of 3x week therapy, followed by 2 X week for another 3 months. You will never know how much love, heartache, time and effort was put into correcting his beautiful little foot.  I wanted so much to avoid surgery for him, but his clubfoot was so severe, and it seems that we have always known that this time would come….no matter how far into the sand I buried my head and heart.  Many tears were cried, and it seems they will continue. 

I welcome questions, although I may not have all the answers yet, as my brain is frozen and in need of lots of beer to lube it up a bit.  Also, I need to finish my little pity party.