The hardest thing
Today I took my son to school.
Many, many things went into making this decision. The biggest of which was that he wanted to go. Badly. He has been asking for months.
Why? He wants to be with his friends. He misses school. And this breaks my heart.
It has not been a smooth ride this year. Quinn is a child that is full of energy and very stubborn. In regards to doing the work, we were constantly toe to toe, nose to nose in a battle of the wills.
Don’t get me wrong. There were many, many, many days that were priceless and precious. More great ones than trying ones. But the hard ones were putting a strain on our relationship. A big strain. We were cranky with each other much of the time. It was changing our relationship in a way that I did not like, and after much agonizing and fretting, we decided to let him try school again. Try is the key here, for me. He will go for the first part of December, and we will decide over the holidays if it is the right thing for him.
This year at home has been unreal in a great way. In the time we had together, Quinn worked through the entire Saxon grade 2 program, learning so very much. It was amazing to watch. How many second graders can do multiplication and find Sicily on a map….not to mention the Tigris and Euphrates river? He read Marco Polo, Robert Lewis Stevenson, among many others, and is now starting a book about Genghis Khan.
We worked through Sonlight Core 1+2, and I have no intention of ending it there. I will order 3+4 and dive into American History with my kids as well.
I am really, really in a tender spot here, so this is not up to discussion. It is a decision that Billy and I made together at Quinn’s prompting, and we know him better than anyone. I am just really sad today, and being the self-flagellator that I am, have to wonder where I failed.
Quinn keeps patting me on the back and hugging me, saying “Mom, we will still read together when I get home. It will be fine. Don’t worry.” And then I cry. And cry. And cry some more.
I walked him to his class this morning, and he was smiling and so very happy. He saw someone he knew, and ran to sit with them, leaving me in the dust.
I had my sunglasses on and there were tears rolling down my face. I miss my Quinny.
Hey, enough with the guilt and self-blame. Homeschooling is awesome– I hope to hs my own kids someday– but that doesn’t mean that it’s going to work for every kid, every year. Quinn’s going back to school is not a failure on your part, you said yourself how much he’s learned in these months “at home”, and that may have been just the boost he needed.
Huge hugs, I hope this adjustment is easy on all of you.
P.S. Everything is still OK w/ me so far.
Whatever happens, I hope everything works out for the best. I’m sure these are tough decisions, trying to do the right thing for your kids.
I’m sending you some warm thoughts today. Quinn is a lucky kid to have you as a mom, whether he’s homeschooled or public schooled.
P.S. I see those curls I love coming back. Must have more pics of those. And make Bill keep the scissors away. ;o)
You have not failed. You have done what is best for Quinn and that is what parenting is all about.
It sounds to me like you did the perfect thing. If we held our kids back in anything just because we didn’t like it they would never get out of the crib.
Big hugs to you as you let go just a little today.
(((Hugs)))
Lets see if I have this right.
You decided to homeschool Quinn because it’s what he needed.
You are sending him back to school because you think he needs it.
You are supplementing at home.
Sorry- how are you a failure?
Yeah, I didn’t think so!
Mamaguilt is the very heaviest kind. Give yourself about a mile of slack if you can.
The best part of being a mama? Being close enough to your kids that you know what they need. It’s also the worst part, I think. I am sorry you are sad today.
Hang in there.
Aw Jody, I’m sorry. Will be praying for you my friend.
My heart is with you….
The beginning of the year began a new era for me.
And while your mind says it’s the right thing, your heart still misses the other.
I miss my old life….
but this one works too…
You’ve done a great job, Jodi.
Hang in there pal.
You’re in my prayers, and I am so proud of all of you. I know it’s hard, as we did the school change with C. this year. You know how traumatic that was. Honestly, you guys have done the right thing. Now let your little flower bloom at his new school! Love ya.
I have always thought you are an excellent mother and an excellent wife. Those qualities were what drew me to your blog in the beginning. As I went along, I found I like what I know of you as a person a lot as well.
Today, my estimation of you has grown in spades. To do for your child what he wants, with your full support whether he succeeds or wants to come back home… what a lucky, lucky child.
And what a remarkable mother you are.
Leeann
niccofive.blogspot.com
awwww Jody, you are my hero. You are a wonderful mom, you listened to what your child needed and that is the ultimate of unselfishness. He has had the best of both schooling and you will never stop being his teacher, you will have a ton of teachable moments.
You and Bill are wonderful parents, you will never go wrong as a mom, you love your kid’s to much!
Blessings
i read your blog alot and i never realized you homeschooled. i’m mom to 6 kids, 7-31, 7 yr. old being a big surprise at the age of 44. they all have different schooling histories. homeschool predominately, unschool, structured, public school, private, montessori, charter…… my preference -about 8th grade they seriously want to go, we find our best option and off they go. my latest delimna, just like you, my 7 yr old, just turned 7, BABY, wanted to go to school. he’s starting to feel like an only child as his next sibling is about to turn 17.but he kept asking and asking and asking soooo i asked around and actually found a montessori that had homeschool day and then they agreed to let him attend and extra day, he’s happy.next year maybe full time. i’m not really feeling it but it’s not like like we can’t take them back, ha ha. if there was friction with your son you may even like it, i know school was a Godsend for my soon to be 17 yr old when i sent her off to a ghetto[ my opinion] public school in 8th grade, hallelujah, thank the Lord. we rode that out til we couldn’t take em any more and now she is homeschooling again and will graduate in jan…….moral of the story, it all works out, but i know how you feel.
{{{ HUGS }}}
Parenting is not for sissies. I know that you know that this is the right decision for now, but it’s sooooo easy to second guess oneself and take the blame for things which were never in our control.
Karen
I homeschooled my son for one year when he was in second grade (long story which I will not get into…) but bottom line, I did what I felt was right for him at that time. He too wanted to return to school even though it really was so great in many ways to homeschool. That being said, I carefully watched and waited to see how things would be after he went back to school (and I still am very very careful about school in general, who his teachers are, what activities he is involved in etc… and he is 17 now!) and the funny thing is, almost every time he wanted something with regard to his education (in 8th grade he put his foot down and said he would not attend a private high school even though both kids had been in private school – the oldest graduated from a private high school) and even then, he was right. The local public school has been great for him (of course I did tons of research and got very involved there too) but this long post is just to say that between your careful consideration for your son and his own clear message to you is the key to a solid relationship with your child. Knowing what is best for our kids is really tough. We do the very best we can with the information we have at the time. We have no way to foresee the future, of course. Still no child has ever suffered when his parent (s) are on top of his education in a positive way. You have four children so you know how very different they are. One size just does not fit all! Thanks for sharing. I wish the very best for you and your family in this important decision.