This month….

marks that it has been 4 years since my first miscarriage. The miscarriage that threw me unwillingly into the land of loss. The beginning of 18 months of sorrow, pain and spirtitual growth. The journey that culminated in the joy of Mia’s birth.

I would miscarry 4 times in 9 months…..and again 2 months ago, before Christmas (a loss I am not at all ready to face or discuss much).

To always remember the losses that we suffered, I planted 4 rose bushes. They are blooming now, and the petals fall silently to the ground when the flowers wilt.

Fallen petals

That picture really depicts for me the silent suffering. The bright mark each one leaves, and the feeling of barrenness you associate with your womb, as it fails you again and again and again and again……..and more recently, again.

It also reminds me that even sorrow has a bright side, and that even the most bleak backdrop can be a canvas for something extraordinarily beautiful.