The apocalypse

Our water heater started leaking……..actually, it has been leaking drop, by drop for at least a month. The boards were wet under it, and it was slimy and icky. Bill extracted the heater yesterday afternoon, bought a new one and installed it. It leaked too. Then he had to go into work for a meeting…..then take the boys to a baseball game. Meanwhile, we live in tiny rural Texas, and all the stores close at 5pm. Which translates into no heated H2O at Chez Jody2ms.

Not a problem…..the real issue is that Bill also decided to bomb the attic for the palmetto bugs in the midst of the water heater fiasco. I had 7 kids at the house, and it was 97 degrees outside. He let the bombs off, and we sat on the patio in blue jeans, sweating like pigs. We had to move all the aquariums outside as well.

Not a problem….what he didn’t tell me is that he let off 6 bombs. 6 people!!!! What the hell was he trying to kill??? He said to trust him. What scares me is, what did he know about the attic, that I didn’t?

Not a problem….except when the bugs evacuated the attic and came downstairs where the air conditioning and clean, pure air was free for the taking. Invasion. By BIG ASS, NASTY BUGS. The kind that FLY!! They came into my house to die. Even the cat was freaked out.

Not a problem…except that Bill had already left for the ball game, and I had to be at another ball park to work the concession stand. I was picking up dead bugs left and right. They were very traumatized, and were purging themselves and miscarrying on my wood floors. That gross you out? Yeah, me too.

I ………..was…………..freaking…………out. I can pick up snakes, crickets, hand feed newts and frogs. Show me a palmetto bug, and I disolve into a screaming, shreeking Barbie. Show me 10 and I need a straight jacket. Show me 15, and well, you can only imagine.

I got in my car, 6 bombs blowing toxic fumes into the attic, and drove around the front of the house, fully expecting to see hundreds of palmetto bugs pouring from every crack and crevice, with the ghosts of homeowners pasts swooshing out with their big “O” shaped mouths howling “Whoooooooo! Look ouuuuuut, its gonnnnnnnna blooooooooooow. Goooo to the light!! NOOOOOWWWWWW.”

After 6 bombs in about 800 square feet, I would imagine the attic is much like the dead sea at this point.

My house, is another story all together. As I made my bed in preparation to go to sleep, I looked up and one was pearched on the ceiling right above my bed. Screaming and Barbie dancing ensued, until Bill cornered the beast…who by the way was about as big as a mouse, Ikidyounot.

This morning I went to throw something in the stainless steal trash can that has a tight fitting lid, and when I opened the lid, a huge one was poised at he top of the pile, resting itself (insert theme from Psycho). Much screaming and Barbie dancing again. Yes, it was almost dead, but the horror, people!!

Lesson to be learned…………..we are extremely clean people. We never leave dirty dishes out. All food is put away in containers. The problem is, that in south Texas, if you leave the window in the attic open to ventilate it, for, oh, say, a year, Palmetto bugs are going to find their way in. Trust me on this.

Thanks for stopping by!! I hope you all don’t have nightmares of giant bugs crawling all over you tonight! I know I did!

**edited to add….THIS is a palmetto bug…although I haven’t seen any of the ones here do the moonwalk yet…only the death crawl! DIE SUCKA”S!