More random “stuff”
I think I am officially depressed.
Yesterday was franitc and crazy. Today I just feel blah.
This morning I asked Bill if he was having any other symptoms, other than the tingling, and he replied “Just a very, very slight headache above my right eye”. I look at him and see a walking time bomb.
I need to mow the lawn, which is basically half of a city block. That should be fun with a 2 year old.
He told the 2 oldest boys what happened. He said that at one point he told them that “there is just a tiny area where the brain didn’t get any oxygen and that little spot died” and Cody piped in “Good thing it wasn’t a large area or you would be dead”.
My stomach dropped and stayed there.
I sit, right now, looking out to our driveway at the trailer, and where I once saw excitement and adventure, I now see a burdon and anxiety. You know, we talked about the “what-if’s” the other night, and the truck and trailer will be the first to go if, God forbid, he has another stroke of greater magnitude.
It is like someone put out a light in me.
If you walked up to me and told me “I am taking everything from you today. Your house, your furniture, you clothes, cars and personal possessions….but I am leaving you your husband, and children” I would gladly hand it all over to you. What I am imagining now is that someone is walking up to me and saying the same thing, but the only thing I may leave with is my children.
I think I need to rename my blog “Poor, poor pitiful me”.
You remind me of me, when my husband when through
a life threatening situation… when I actually had to
contemplate the “what if’s”. NEVER begrudge your time
to grieve and be scared. Never begrudge your time
to feel sad and ‘poor me’.
sorry for the lecture…
just know you are entitled to be scared and frustrated
and nervous.
I’m so sorry for all that you are going through at this
time of your life.
I always feel like when these things happen to me that
the world should stop… or at the very least.. slow
down.
You are still in my prayers girl. I’m so sorry.
Hugs
Awww i wish i lived neer by you i run offer their and give you a big old hug and do what ever you need so you and Bill could hang out for awhile….i remeber when i was around 5 and my dad going to the hospital ….i realy dont know why he went but he stayed their for a week or 2 i know he could have lost his life and ….seeing life with out him is just not possible he makes us all laugh and cry…
I am going to make a suggestion, but I admit to barely knowing you, so you can take my advice with a grain of salt if necessary.
You ought to go find someone to talk to. A professional someone. Everything you are feeling is NORMAL and NATURAL in your circumstances. The problem is that you also need to be there for your husband and be there for you children. It sounds so much like you are having trouble even being there for yourself. So, if you go talk with a counselor and get all your feeling out you may just get some helpful suggestions back on how to deal with the grieving without driving your husband completely nuts. Find someone you can lean on, so that you can stand tall and support those who need to lean on you.
What you are dealing with is so amazingly scary. As I’ve said before in my comments here, I can’t imagine losing my husband. I can’t image him even being seriously ill. It tears at my heart that you are faced with these challenges.
My prayers continue to be there for you and your family.
(((BIG HUGS JODY)))
I can only imagine the thoughts that must be running amuck in your head now.
I hope and pray that the what-if’s don’t become your life anytime soon.
Just stay close (but do let him eat) and love each other.
((HUGS)) If you need to vent, you’re welcome to email me
I think you’re responding as any normal woman would. Hang in there.
You seem like the type who wants to find out more info about what happened. My husband works in clinical research. There is a website: http://www.clinicaltrials.gov. Maybe check it out. There are a lot of new treatments and preventative things out there. You never know. Hang in there.
Jody,
I just sat here with my husband and looked this up. Check out this link: http://www.clinicaltrials.gov/ct/show/NCT00059306?order=2
They are recruiting for this study in San Antonio TX.
I’m just so very sorry. Sometimes life doesn’t seem fair.