Some call it weaning……I call it having my heart ripped out.
It is happening here, and I am swinging like a pendulum, back and forth, between being ready for it, and not wanting to let go of that phase of our life together.
I will remember, even when I am 90, the times when she lay beside me asleep…..little puffs of air with the sweet smell of breastmilk floating next to my face. The way she reaches up and touches my face gently while nursing, tracing my nose, eyes and lips. Tiny fingers twirling my hair. As a baby, she would put her little feet on my mouth for me to kiss.
Nursing a toddler has been a pure joy. From her exclaiming outloud at a late evening BBQ with Bill’s boss, that she is tired and wants “utter Boobie”, to how she mumbles quietly while nursing to sleep.
We are down to 2-3 nursings a day…..sometimes only one. I know the time will come when I realize that she hasn’t nursed in days.
I will cry. She is the last baby I will ever nurse. I have no doubt in my mind about this. Bill’s stroke was the deciding factor.
That’s right. I am not willing to have another baby, knowing that I might possibly have to raise it by myself. I am selfish like that.
The fact of the matter is, this is okay with me. I have always been totally in love with Bill, but lately, we seem to have retrieved that thing called infatuation. Complete and crazy desire to be touching each other all the time (hand holding and such…sheesh you guys have dirty minds). I think about him even while he is in the room.
After the last 4 weeks, I am nurturing my marriage like never before, and for the first time in my life, I can honestly say that I am ready to move on to a different stage of my life….one that does not include being pregnant and giving birth.
Mia is weaning, my husband survived a stroke. Damn, I am satisfied with what we have! Our life here is wonderful, fulfilling and I couldn’t ask for anything more.
I am sandwiched in between Bill and Mia. My bookends. The one that started it all, and the one that put the exclamation point on our family.
(((HUGS))) Even though you are OK with it, I know coming to the end of this phase will be hard. You never know, though, Mia may hang on and nurse quite a while longer, just not as often.
Wow, I didn’t expect to cry reading this but I can imagine what all this feels like. I’m not there yet and I’m already ready yet won’t ever be ready.
Beautiful family you have!
I am right there with you. My fourth son is down to one feeding a day and it’s so bittersweet. And I definitely don’t ever want to be pregnant again. I want to move on to the next stage of life, but it’s hard leaving behind something I’ve done for the last ten years! Blessings to you and your beautiful family!
Okay, now you are making me cry. Having just weaned the baby, okay toddler is you insist
, and it was sad. I will never again nurse a baby. And I will never again have those stripper sized boobs.
Jody that is so toking i hope when i have kids i can breastfeed….
I loooove that last sentence and that last photo. Awesome.
Awwww, I remember so well those feelings of wanting to wean but not wanting it to end.
I have recently come to the decision that we are done having kids as well. As much as I would like to have more I know it is time to move on into the big kid stage and more time with my hubby. Prepare yourself for a grieving period. Even though we made the decision to be done I have found I still sometimes wish for another baby. Even though I am wildly happy with what I have.
Weaning is so bittersweet…my youngest weaned herself at 15 months and really took me off guard. I was planning to go to at least 18 months, if not longer.
What a wonderful gift you and Bill are giving to the kids by living out a loving marriage. God Bless your family.