Things to ponder as Texas shuts down

It is cold here. The temperature gauge outside my window is hovering at around 35 degrees. Tonight will be a hard freeze, which means I will probably sleep in the trailer so that the heat can run all night and protect the pipes etc.. This is not a problem for me, for, as those who know me are aware, I would rather live in it anyway.

When the weather turns like this, Texas breaks. The entire state freezes, snaps off the map and shatters on the ground. That is why, if you open your maps today, Texas will not be there.

“AHHHH there is a 4×4 patch of ice on the bridge. Everyone go home early from work or we will all die!”

“No school (even though we live 2 blocks from it, as does most of the town)!”

Dingo’s long for the warmth of the house, since Australia is too much to ask for.*

Coming inside is great after a good pee!

Children dig in their drawers for hats and gloves, many times coming up empty handed and substituting socks for mittens, because, well, their mother is very unprepared for life.

Husbands call from work and carry on conversations with their wives that go something like this:

“Hi, what are you doing?”

“Nothing. We are trapped inside, the kids have a friend over and are playing nerf dart tag, and I am reconsidering my choice in house size.”

“Are you keeping warm?”

“Yes. We killed Honey and are taking turns crawling in her still warm hide.”

“Great. Hey, I will be home early today. The clinic is closing so that we can come home in case of ice.”

“Is it, like, still raining?”

“No”

“Are the roads wet?”

“No.”

“Hmm. So, the roads are clear and the temperature is above freezing?”

“Yes.”

“Well alrighty then, be careful driving home on the roads that just might get icy sometime in the future.”

Jack freeze found Texas, so if you are driving through our little state, be prepared for all hell to be breaking loose on the highways. We drive like drunks with any kind of ice. Many have never even seen ice before.

All you northern folks, laughing is allowed.

*yes, she came in. She is a major lap dog and spends 99% of her time indoors. And yes, my window is filthy, so there.