My heart

I am sorry. I know. No updates. Just a song post. What good am I?

The fact is, I am diving head first into life here, and just have not had much time to post.

I made some changes to the site, and will continue to tweek and mess with themes until I am where I want to be…which is less cluttered, less ad filled, and highlighting my photos better.

A quick update on our moving status would reveal that:

*My friends are not AT ALL thinking we should move. This is evidence by:
-one of them giving me a royal ass-chewing, telling me I have no idea what living at the coast is like (ahem, I have lived there most of my adult life, and Bill is a 5th generation Galvestonian…yes, we are clueless about coastal life) and proceeded to tell me that “go ahead, move there. But you will be changing your tone when Mia comes home with a boyfriend named Thomas Chung (a referrence to the Vietnamese presence here). I wish that I was not the slow responder that I am, because later I came up with the perfect comeback…..”Well, there would be some synchronicity to that, since Mia was almost Chinese! (Remember, we were in the beginning stages of adopting a little girl from China when I got pregnant with her)

*and numerous other lectures from some.

*and from others, loving, well intended advice.

*and from some, happiness for us, and unconditional acceptance of our choices

Please, may I take a moment to speak to those I love who question our decision, if it be to move (yes, IRL people from our hometown read my blog. Hi girls!!) I am a 42yo adult, and my husband turns 50 this year…..not exactly immature, impulsive people. We have had these kids for awhile now, and might be pretty damn qualified at knowing what is best for our family.

Yes, emotion is playing a part in this decision. But there are a whole host of other things that are playing in and weighing on our minds….things that are private and we will not be discussing with anyone, save for Bill’s parents.

When making any huge decision, Bill and I put a tremendous amount of faith in God. God is the Captain of our family. He has done an incredible job of navigating our life thus far, and He speaks to us quite loudly….we hear him because we have learned to listen to him. Sometimes he slams doors shut, and sometimes he opens them wide. I can always look back at our life and see that God was in control and we were just along for the ride. He has always had something great in store for us, no matter how difficult the journey in getting us there, and we have learned to lay back and enjoy the ride.

I hear God in my heart, not my mind.

If I were to use my human mind for every decision I made, half of my life would have never happened…..including the amazing gift, from God, of our 4th child.

If I had used my mind when my husband, after one year of living in the small town where we live now, was so desperate to move to Llano, I would have dug my heals in and said no. Instead, I prayed, and the answer in my heart said to submit to my husband. I did, and angrily went. My husband found Christ there.

God speaks to me through my heart.

I am not unhappy with my life. I love my friends, my town, my home. If we move, it has nothing to do with any of those things. It is because we are amazed and grateful that God has given us the gift of time together, and we are going to make the most of that gift.

We are doing this because we are happy. We are together. Please be happy for us.

Last year I almost lost my best friend, and my children almost lost their father. Instead, by the Grace of God, he is here with us, and we are not taking one moment of life for granted. God gave us the gift of a glimpse. A glimpse into how fast life can come to a screeching halt. God tenderly nursed my husband back to health, and through it all, He held my heart in His hand.

My heart is His.

And He speaks to me through my heart…….so it is with my heart that I chose to think.

My 4 beautiful children? No one will ever love them the way Bill and I do. No one. So far, we think we have done a fantastic job of making them feel loved and secure. They have parents that adore each other. They have parents who take the time to show and teach them new and amazing things. And you know what? They are wonderfully delightful children, even if they grow up on the coast.

The same coast that their father spent his first 40 years living on. The same coast that their grandfather, and his father before him grew up. The same coast that Bill’s grandmother, and her mother, and her mother before her grew up. And guess what? They all had teeth. The all held jobs. In fact, his father and grandfather were both doctors. Cardiologists. His mother is a med tech. Bill himself attended public school in Galveston and went on to be a PA who graduated in the top of his class. He took Anatomy and Physiology right along side the medical students and finished with the highest grade in the class. Even coasties can be well educated.

I appreciate all the advice and concern. I know that it comes from a deep love for our kids and for us. It is that love that pulls at our hearts and makes us hesitant about moving.

In the end though, if we move, I know that my true friendships will endure.

My heart tells me this, so you know what? I chose to think with my heart.