Choices
I stood staring at the broken glass and the explosion of red, Valentino hot sauce all over my pantry floor. The jar had fallen off the shelf, and was now dripping off the walls and soaking into the tile grout. It was 6:15 a.m. and I was still in my nightgown.
I wanted to take numbers. I wanted to make someone pay for this. Who put the sauce away like that? As I stood there, to my horror, three more jars slipped off the rack and crashed to the floor. A bottle of oil, some jam and some more salsa. I turned and met Bill’s eyes, and just stared at him. I mean, can you believe this???? He waited to see what I would do.
I had a choice. I could loose my mind, start yelling and bitching, or I could simply shut my mouth and clean up the mess.
Choices. I had been making some bad ones for the last few years. My attitude and joy for life had been in need of a good jump start. The rut that I had been in for the last few years had dragged me down into a bitching, whining, helpless, negative jerk. To sum it up, I had gotten myself into a very bad habit, and habits are hard to break.
Tuesday night I found myself yelling at the AT&T switch board operator. I think I said something to the effect that if she put me on hold, I would time her and have the minutes charged on my cell phone taken from her paycheck.
Yup, what an ass.
After I had hung up the phone, Bill, having heard everything, walked by, spread his hands out gesturing to our home and such and said, “Wow. Look at all we have and all the great things that have come our way, and we are upset about the telephone.”
I went to bed thinking about my behavior. I thought about my sour attitude. My impatience. All the times back home when I had participated in gossip and ill will.
My impatience.
My anger.
My frustration.
My hurtfulness.
My hurt.
MY…bad….behavior.
With that one sentence that Bill uttered, he peeled the scales back from my eyes. Literally.
So, yesterday morning I awoke, and immediately called AT&T. I spoke with a repair specialist and he made an appointment to come fix my phone. I also asked him if he could tell me the name of the woman I had reamed. He told me and I explained to him how badly I felt. He told me that he could e-mail her a message if I would like, so I told her that there was no excuse for my bad behavior and that I was very sorry for speaking ill towards her.
I decided that morning that I had a choice. I could chose to be positive in EVERYTHING I do, or I could carry on making myself and everyone around me miserable.
So your husband throws his dirty socks on the floor? Big deal people. At least he is alive to throw them there. Think of the alternative. I have.
So your school board does something that you don’t like, and you go on bitching and moaning about it for over A YEAR. At least you have children to be concerned about.
So your yard has fungus. A least you have a yard.
So your new car has a dent in it. At least you don’t have to walk everywhere you go pushing a grocery cart with all of your belongings in it.
So your food comes to the table at the restaurant and it is not that great. At least you don’t have to pick your food out of a dumpster to feed your children.
So your child threw up on the floor. At least it is due to a virus and not from chemotherapy.
So your home phone doesn’t work…….at least you have the luxury of having a cell phone, you spoiled rotten brat.
After talking to the At&T repair dude, I loaded Mia up into the car and drove to the ocean. I needed some salt water and sand. We wandered up and down the beach looking for shells. We found a gorgeously perfect sand dollar.
God’s promises Jody….don’t ever forget.
An old lady wandered down the beach toward us and handed Mia a lovely shell, saying “Here is a beautiful shell for a beautiful little girl”.
I have a beautiful little girl to love.
I gave the lady the sand dollar.
I text messaged Bill a picture of the beach with this message “Dude, we live here! We are so blessed. I love you. Love, Jojo”
We came home sun kissed, happy, and I had a clean slate. I could do anything with it. It was my choice.
So, there I stood this morning looking at the red, oily, sticky mess on the floor. My kids were frozen. Bill had his eyes locked on mine, pleading. I wanted to explode. Instead, I smiled and cleaned it up. My kids jumped in and helped and in no time it was gone and my floors were cleaned ta boot!
I can’t live with negativity stirring me up all the time. I realized this before we even moved here. It was one of the reasons I needed to leave. I needed to make a change for the good of myself and my family.
I now need to break some bad habits.
Yesterday I made a choice.
What will you choose today?
I’m here, choosing the positive. As much as possible. And I can’t believe you didn’t freak about that mess. I would have!
Jody — I know we have never met, but I needed this today. The combination of the third trimester of my pregnancy and the relentless heat of this Texas indian summer has got me down and grouchy lately.
Thank you!
Wonderful post, Jody. I think I need to print it out and read it. Again. and again. and again.
One of the things I have come to realize is that “when Mama ain’t happy, nobody’s happy.” My mood *definitely colors that of my children and of the whole family. Now I just need to work on putting it into action.
Excellent Post Jody! I think we have all been there, or will be there. Sometimes the crap in life can be too heavy to bear and so we turn ugly.
I am so proud of you for holding in that explosion and just cleaning up the mess. I am sure it is one moment no one in your family will forget.
And now they will no longer be afraid as jars come tumbling down around their Mom because they know she will calmly pick up the pieces and move on.
What a wonderful post Jody. I think we all need this reminder from time to time.
My favorite saying, is “we can’t control other people’s actions only our reactions:-)”
Enjoy your “new” beginning!
It’s so easy to get stuck. I try and reach and find the humor- so much easier and better to laugh instead of yell. It doesn’t always work.
thank you. That was such a nice post (brought a little tear to my eye) and a reminder to be more mindful myself. Thank you
Vicki
Jodi,
I loved your post today. I totally get what you are saying. I’ve been making baby steps toward that as well but I could do so much better.
Thank you for such a wonderful post, with lovely pictures to boot!
Leeann
niccofive.blogspot.com
Wow Jody this was beautiful. Just think what volumes that spoke to your precious kiddo’s. You truely are blessed. You are not alone either, life is so hard. When my husband left us after 22 years of marriage, I thought my life was over, my future, everything. God has a plan and I can either choose to be bitter or better. I choose the latter. I look for that hope everyday, because no matter what I am going through there are more people way worse off than I. Thankyou for this today, we will all be better because of your testimony! Thanks. Do you think I could email you? I have a couple questions about your awesome camera lol.
Blessings to you today Jody.
I thought you wrote really honestly about a big issue for a lot of people. I appreciate that you also did something tough to boot – you took the time to speak to the phone company and to make amends for what you did. That takes a lot of guts. I agree with you about attitude and behavior. I learned a long time ago that honestly it is so much about how we react to stuff. When I get upset about something, I usually end up trying to fix it instead of complaining. It has meant a lot of volunteer work in my life but also a lot of joy and great people to meet etc…One of the most wonderful compliments I ever got was when someone said to me: “You just make me smile ALL the time”. Wow – that blew me away and it made me realize again that when we shine out to others, we get that sunshine right back.
So… was the shelf crooked or do you have a resident ghost?
Jody, you inspire me! I’ve gotten to the end of some days and thought “did I really yell all day long?” It’s a horrid feeling. I lived in hate for a long time and now I try really hard to just “let it be” if something is about to get me worked up. besides, the love part is SO much better!
Jody-hun. Thank you for this today. You have validated my feelings clearly and precisely. I needed the reminder that it’s all about choice.
I choose.
Thanks.
Love the picture with Bill & kids…. he looks positively content and happy.
I saw some of myself in your post. Thank you for the eye opener, thank Bill too. Best wishes to you and your family.
Great post and great choice.
What a great post, Jody. You’ve given me something to think about.
And something to maybe point out to my husband the next time our yard gets a fungus (seriously).
Very inspirational! We all need to keep this in mind. For me, I will focus on my beautiful new home and NOT on the fact that I have been surrounded by various construction workers for the past 5 weeks (and stop counting those weeks!). I will also keep being joyful that I am at the end of a much wanted pregnancy, soon to meet my baby, instead of how uncomfortable and tired I am.
I haven’t been terrible–I sort of swing back and forth.