and baby makes 6! » Archives » Mother and daughter

Dear Mia,

This afternoon we did something that I have been longing to do most of my adult life. Something that I had once thought would never happen.

It is funny how things turn out.

You see, I can admit it now. The pain has abated. The sadness and anxiety from the miscarriages has been replaced with a knowing. A knowing that it was you that was meant to be all along.

I can admit now that I wanted a girl.

A girl who loves all things glittery.

A girl whose voice can make the angels sing.

Your voice doesn’t make me sing, but it makes my chest clinch up and I feel as if I will die from the sweetness of it.

19 years ago, I went with your father and watched as all the mommies and daughters filed into the theater, dressed in their “pretties”. I remember thinking “I hope one day that is me with my daughter”.

Today, I helped you dress in your lovely Christmas dress, brushed your golden curls and left the house.

Today I took you, my daughter, to see the Nutcracker Ballet.

I watched as you gasped when the mice came on stage and how you stared and smiled at the ballerina’s feet as they danced on their toes.

It was truly a magical time, between mother and daughter.

As I sit here typing, with you asleep next to me, clutching the Nutcracker I bought for you tightly in your little hand, I cannot put to words how much this meant to me. I just can’t, sweetie. It will make me cry for the umptimillionth time today.

What I can say is this, so please listen carefully. I do not love you more than I love your brothers. You are not more special than each one of them. But, my sweet girl, you complete me. You are the icing on the cake of our family. A sweet ending like a fine dessert.

I took you, my sweet daughter, to see the Nutcracker for the first time, and it was everything I dreamed it would be…..even better.

I Love You,
Mommy