Bullet points - June 27, 2005 -
I can’t think straight to type a coherent post, so I plan to cheat. Here are some thoughts floating around in my head, in order of importance:
*my mom was diagnosed with Von Willebrand Disease today, in addition to the essential thrombocythemia. It is hereditary, and I will have to be tested as well as my kids…with emphasis on my daughter. Oh goody. Please, would someone just shoot me already!!!!!!!!!!!
*my boys DOMINATED at the City meet. Cory brought home 1st place in 4 events, and a 2nd place too. Cody got 1st, 4th and 5th. It was a great day, and now we are on to regionals.
*I have another small cyst in a special, special place. Let’s just say it is from my bike shorts and that it is a bit uncomfortable. The end.
*My average bike speed is up to 15mph, and Bills is hovering at 16.2. Here I come, honey!!! Whoop, whoop, whoop.**
*I actually added on 60 more channels to our Dish Network satellite just so we could get the Outdoor Life Network and watch the Tour de France. I am unstable. Yes, I know.
*our outside cat disappeared and has been gone for 4 days now. The same cat that liked to climb on top of the carport and use the accumulated leaves up there as a litter box. Wherever you are, Tiger, please stay there. Godspeed.
*I got Mia a little dolly stroller and one of my friends told me that she is spoiled. I don’t think it was meant to sound as bad as it did. What do you think?
In light of today’s news, I am having what one would consider a stressful evening. We don’t know if Mom has Type I, II, or III yet. It appears that type III is indicated in the female gene pool. Type III is similar to hemophilia. Please God, don’t let this be the dreaded shoe drop that I have been anticipating with Amelia.
To take my mind off of it, I would like to ask everyone who stops in to leave a little comment. Even just a "Hi" to let me know that the 500-1000 hits a week are not just me checking my page over and over again. I have several regular commenter’s who are so great about checking in and saying hi. But, I would also love to hear from the lurkers out there.
So, please don’t be shy. And don’t forget to leave a link to your web page.
**his average speed on one ride was 17.2mph, but I believe it was due to an increase in testosterone levels associated with me coming home and informing him that I averaged 15.1mph.
You finally got your girl! - June 22, 2005 -
This comment follows me wherever I go. There are many variations of it, my least favorite being "Had to keep trying ’til you got that girl".
These words are mostly uttered by strangers. People who see me out with my 4 kids. Naturally, when they see a girl at the end of 3 boys, they assume that we are done, because we finally reached the peak, the pinnacle so to speak, and finally got that girl.
These people don’t know the whole story. They were not there when I miscarried for the first time. They could not guess that 4 months after that sorrow, I would again lose another child to m/c. Nor could they have the knowledge that I experienced another loss a mere 6 weeks later. I wonder what they would say if they knew that 3 months after our 3rd loss, I sobbed as we watched on US the tiniest heartbeat in the world slowly stop beating. Would they cry if they knew that 3 days later I delivered him/her in the bathroom with my 3 children sitting outside the bathroom door listening to my muffled cries?
Could they know that my heart was broken? How could they possibly be aware that it took the life out of me? That getting out of bed in the morning was a testament of my love for my 3 children, because, people, it took the strength of Hercules to pull back the covers.
What do you say to someone who takes for granted the gift and thinks that each pregnancy ends with a live baby? What can you say to someone who thinks that the worth of a child is in their gender?
I mean, how could they know that we kept trying until we got that live baby? I can’t even type that without sobbing. She was the one that survived. She lived, even when the doctors were telling me that her chances were less than 20%. My body no longer was a safe, warm haven for creation. It was a hostile, violent place that pregnancy was not welcome. Yet, she survived.
She grew, month by month and I waited, month by month for her to die. After all, it had happened 4 times in 10 months. Why would this pregnancy be different? Every day was like an eternity. I waited in terrified anticipation for each milestone. Each goal met was enormous! 8 weeks:
10 weeks:
12 weeks:
Feeling the first movement, viability at 24 weeks, my 3rd trimester. Each one was met with utter disbelief.
Then came her birth, and as she was pulled from my body, she inhaled her first breath, and cried her first cry. I sobbed so hard I could hardly breathe. I said "Is she okay? Is there anything wrong with her? Is she really crying?" I remember thinking "Oh my dear God, is she really alive, is this real? Am I dreaming?" I remember looking at Bill and I saw him crying too. He told me later that he did not cry from watching the birth. He was watching me so he could see my reaction to it, and that is what made him cry.
Shortly after, she was placed in my arms, and I held her and was so grateful that I could now protect her. I felt that her safety was not out of my control anymore.
Regardless of the wonderful outcome, 15 months to the day have passed since her birth, and I still can’t believe she is here. I still can’t put her in her crib at night. I still sleep with her in my arms. She goes everywhere with me. I have never left her with a baby sitter. Bill has just started taking her with him when he goes to the pool with the kids, or takes them to ball practice. Up until I started riding my bike again, I would not leave her with anyone. Sometimes on my rides, when I am 10 miles out, panic will seize me as I wonder if Bill will remember to close the gate if he goes outside with her. Will he cut her food up small enough so she doesn’t choke? Fear stabs me. At these times, I pick up my pace so I can get home to her.
How do you tell a stranger all of this? I usually smile and say something generic like "We are so lucky to have all our kids". Then there are times when a person says that line, and I see them really look into my eyes, like they know there is a great story there. So I tell them everything. It is when I see their tears that I know they understand.
My girl is 15 months old today. Yes, I have a daughter. There is no denying the joy this brings me. But, that is another story all together.
She is a rare and precious soul. Her life, a gift to me it seems. Her gender is the icing on the cake.
Swimmers take your mark - June 21, 2005 -
We had a great weekend, and the start of the week has been wonderful! I had a wonderful surprise that absolutely made my day yesterday evening. (It was so amazing to hear your voice and talk IRL, my friend!!!!) I had been having a rough day, and was walking on cloud nine afterward.
On Sunday we boiled some jumbo shrimp for dinner and the kids had fun, peeling them and squeezing lemons and limes on the shrimp. Very few of the shrimp were actually eaten by them, but hey, they had fun dressing the shrimpies up! They were the most delicious shrimp. Bill and I polished ‘em off!
It is interesting for me to see what my kids will eat. They are so open to trying new foods. I don’t have any picky eaters. They eat papaya with lime, scallop ceviche, raw oysters, frog legs, and they love most veggies. Oh, and Mexican food is top on their list of yummy stuff.
There was another swim meet this weekend, and Cory placed 2nd, 3rd, 3rd, 3rd, and 6th. Cody placed 1st, 4th, 4th and 5th.
Here is Cody, the little man, at the start:
Cory doing the 25m butterfly:
Cody, 25m freestyle:
This weekend will be the City qualifying meet. The boys have to place in the top 4 to go on to regional’s. Once at Regional’s, they will have to place in the top 2 to go on to State. It is exciting for all of us!!
More pictures to break up the boring swim meet post:
Best buddies playing in Mia’s room.
Rockin’, rockin’:
Little curly girlie:
All Stars - June 17, 2005 -
We got the call. The call we have been waiting for. The call that would seal the fate of our summer nights.
Cory made the All Star team.
What this means is we will be loading all the kids in the car several evenings each week, and traveling to towns 1 1/2-2 hours from here. It also means great fun.
I love watching the All Star games. The kids are hand picked not only for being good players, but also for being good sports and having a heart and soul love for the game. The games are so exciting. Not only are they really playing baseball, but the attitude of the boys is awesome. The boys bond together as a team, cheer each other on from the sidelines, sing chants and songs, and encourage their team mates when they strike out.
As hard as it is to travel with small children, I plan on being there for every game, barring high fevers and vomiting. My younger sons will bring dump trucks and cars and will make elaborate race tracks in the dirt next to the bleachers. My daughters clothes will be stained with snow cone syrup. My husband will still be in his work clothes, because he will rush home for the game and not have time to change before we leave.
What my son will remember is looking into the stands and seeing his whole family there to cheer him on. He will remember the car rides, with mom and dad talking quietly in the front seat (or debating loudly), his baby sister napping in her "kitty" car seat, and his brothers laughing loudly at his goofy jokes.
I will remember the thrill of watching him play, pizza parties after the game, watching my kids enjoy the rare treat of a coke, and the smell of sweaty, sleepy kids in the van on the way home. I will remember that my husband was there for every game of both Little League and All Stars, without one complaint…ever.
My son will be a man soon. I can see it happening already. He is changing in so many ways. Soon, I will be loading him into his own car with all of his things as he heads off to college. When I think of this, it is as if a hand is plunging into my chest, grabbing my heart and squeezing it tightly. I can’t breathe when this happens.
He is almost 11, which means there are only 8 more baseball seasons left. 8!! How can that be? It will be gone before we know it. How fast?
In a blink of an eye, my friend. A blink of an eye.
Blowin’ and goin’ - June 14, 2005 -
The RV was a big no. It had some slight water leakage into the walls, and since it has lived at the coast, I can imagine the corrosion that is going on in the electrical wiring in those walls.
We decided that we will probably go with an ultra light trailer of some kind….something new, so we don’t have to worry about any hidden problems.
Swimming takes up most of our summer days. The boys go to practice twice a day, and we find some fun adventure to do in between. Yesterday it was "go see the trailer day". We ended up at an RV sales office afterward and checked out some travel trailers. The kids had a blast climbing around and exploring them. One even had a fireplace!
Not sure what today will bring, but I know it will be fun!
Going mobile - June 13, 2005 -
Today I am going to look at one of these. If anyone knows anything about this line, please comment, as we know NOTHING about RV’s and I am winging it at best.
The price is really great, and the RV is immaculate. It looks like something my vaccuuming husband would own. It is a 1993 Cobra Seven Seas 28′ with 33,000 miles. It has a generator, fridge, freezer, microwave, oven, stove, a/c awnings and I don’t know what else. It is $8500, which is unreal. I will be taking it to an RV mechanic for sure.
Wish me luck!
A day in our life - June 12, 2005 -
Our Saturday was spent at the coast. The first part of it was at a swim meet, where my 10yo and 7yo ripped the pool up! Cory(10) placed 2nd, 3rd, 5th and 3nd in his events. Cody(7) placed 5th and 6th.
It was HOT, but worth every drop of sweat.
We then loaded up the van, after I backed into a street sign and scraped all the paint off the rear fender, and took off for an afternoon at the beach.
Dinner was at a Mexican seafood restaurant, and it was amazing. Bill had whole, fried redfish and I had a seafood platter that included frog legs. We took up two tables, and seated at most of the tables were Mexicans who smiled and enjoyed the antics of our kids. It was so pleasant. Bill vetoed my request to get the camera from the car and said "Everything doesn’t have to be digitally recorded. Your memories will be plentiful!" Have I ever told you how much I love this man?
how to be a cheap drunk - June 5, 2005 -
1. Tell your husband you want to go out to dinner with the kids.
2. Tell him it must be some place that has margaritas.
3. Agree to walking across the street to the only restaurant in town that sells margaritas, because it is the only restaurant in town, period.
4. Down the first one, while your husband drinks water.
5. Order your food….and the second margarita….this time a Blue Margarita.
6. Laugh as you kids fight over the paper drink umbrellas, while your husband cringes because half the people in the restaurant are his patients (whom he most surely has seen naked) and they are seeing that his children are wild and his wife is a lush.
7. Go up to the salad bar, and as one super-sweet lady asks you if you are Dr. Bills wife and then proceeds to tell you how her whole family goes to Dr. Bill and how much they love him, give her the thumbs up sign, because you are cultured.
8. Cut into your sizzling steak, and enjoy the wonderful flavor of it.
9. When your husband says, "Look at your shirt. It looks like you killed your own meat by shaking it back and forth in your jaws", glance down and see it covered in massive grease spots.
10. Pay the bill, and walk on home.
9. Wake up HUNG OVER, from two drinks? TWO DRINKS!!!
10. You realize that #9 is due to the fact that:
a. we rarely drink
b. are getting old
c. it must have been cheap tequila in the margarita and you are used to drinking (on the rare occasion that you indeed drink) El Presidente at $32 a bottle because your friend, whose family owns a liquor distributing company in Mexico City, turned you onto it, and now nothing else will do.
d. All of the above.
good morning, Glory! - June 3, 2005 -
I need to make this short, as my stress level is over the top today….
I spent some time at the hospital this morning having and abdominal ultrasound of my kidneys, liver, spleen, pancreas and gall bladder. I won’t know the results until Monday. The test was ordered because I am having some intense pain around my liver, with referred shoulder pain. The US tech was great, and although she could not tell the results, hinted that all was fine by saying "I wouldn’t worry yourself over the weekend based on what I see".
My moms tests results are back. She has 2 blocked arteries and her heart is enlarged. She will need to have a cardiac cath done to determine how to correct the blockages. Because of her bleeding disorder, she has a 10% chance of having a stroke with the procedure. I spent 2 hours on the phone with my brother surfing the net to find some good cardiac docs in Dallas for her to see for a second opinion. INTENSE does not describe my afternoon. Insane, wild, mind blowing just about wrap it up.
I need some alcohol BAD!!!!!!!!!
Oh, hark…..what do I hear? GAK, GAK, GAK, GAK. Oh, yes, the icing on the cake of my day…Pussy Willow vomit to clean up!
False alarm…she ate it again.
Gawd.
Multi tasking in the shower - June 2, 2005 -
My husband frequently tells me that my showers last too long. When I tell him I am going to head into the bathroom for a "quick shower" he smirks and says "Yeah, right". He says tells me that I am obsessive compulsive about cleanliness, and that it is not a shower to me, it is a "sterilization process".
His showers last about 10 seconds…..long enough for water to wet his body, run his hand and a pea sized dollop of shampoo through is sheared hair, and lather his body with a bar of soap. I promise you, it takes him longer to dry off than it does to shower.
I, on the other hand, turn on the water, and while it is heating up, must bring out a basket of hair clips and hair bands to place on the floor for screaming Mimi to play with. This distracts her long enough for me to wet my body and begin to shampoo my hair. At this moment she discovers that I have disappeared into the cave in the wall, and she begins wailing, gnashing her teeth and tearing her garments. No matter how many attempts I make at opening the door to let her know I am still in there, she stands with her hands on the glass mourning her loss.
I rinse my long hair of the shampoo, apply cream rinse (silly me) while singing the Mama Mia Diarrhea Song at the top of my lungs in an attempt to convince her that I am not lost forever.
I lather my body with soap, rinse, then begin the process of shaving my legs. I multi task while I have a razor to my legs. Mama Mia’s screams have made the dead rise by now, so I am trying to appease her by drawing pictures on the glass door, all the while gliding a sharp razor around bony prominences. Insane dialogs flow out of my mouth "What are you doing Mia? Are you having fun? Mommy is here! I have not disappeared behind a hidden trap door in the shower. Almost done. Can you go get a dolly to play with. Does your throat ever hurt you after screaming bloody murder for 10 minutes?"
I rinse off, open the door and the screams stop. As I dry, she sees her meal delivery vessels, and begins whining for a nursie. I half dress, sit down and nurse her, then finish dressing.
I emerge, clean but not refreshed mentally. The first words I hear from Bill are "Showers should not last that long. It is a waste of water. What DO you do in there?"
"Use your imagination, honey", is all I can say.
And the Papa Bear said to the Mama bear, “who’s been sleeping in MY bed?” - June 1, 2005 -
Well, Mia didn’t quite make it to her bed last night. She was just so cozy and warm all snuggled next to me while I read and when Bill came in and saw her, he told me not to move her.
I think this came from the fact that we both noticed a huge, bruised swelling in the bottom left side of her gum. It is so painful looking, and Bill checked it to make sure it was not an abscess. The molar is just trying to push through, and is causing lots of swelling and such. This would be the last of the 8 teeth she has been trying to cut in one months time. She has a new nickname during this time…..we call her Screaming Mimi.
I gave her some Tylenol, and put some baby Orajel Nighttime Formula on it. I have NEVER used this stuff before, but out of desperation for a good nights sleep, had purchased it yesterday at the grocery store.
I am afraid to verbalize this out loud, but, psst…come closer and I will whisper it to you………She slept straight through until 4am. <GASP>
I am well rested and don’t even feel the need for my second cup of macchiato this morning!!! Need and want are two different things, though. Right?
