Pablo Picasso - Maternity - August 29, 2005 -
Nursing Mia has been a complete joy to me. I am so happy that she enjoys it too. I am hopeful that she will continue to nurse into her 3rd year, but we will see what she decides.
Like Picasso, with a stroke of love on the canvas of my heart and mind, I have painted the memory of my nursing children. But I wanted something tangible to have of the moment.
So, when Mia was 3 months old I had a photographer take pictures of my 4 children together. During the session, he took some wonderful shots, among them were several of Mia nursing.
Is she the last child I will ever nurse? It is difficult to think that I may never nurse another baby after she is done. I know that one day, too soon, she will be ready to wean.
Until then, I will wake at night to feed her. I will comfort her at the breast when she is scared or hurt. I will stop whatever I am doing and be still to nurse her, because I know that time marches on and we can never have those moments back again.
I know that the time will come when I flip through the photo album to gaze at the past, because the present slipped through my fingers so painfully fast.
Mom’s night out - August 26, 2005 -
Moms night out can really hit the spot. There is nothing like sampling foreign beers, eating take out pizza, laughing your ass off with good friends and enjoying the unique ambiance at a local pub called Antiques, Art and Beer. We affectionately call it Beer, Bait and Ammo, because, hell, it is easier to say quickly after a few Dutch beers (had to try them Karen, and man they were tasty!!!)
But, there is absolutely nothing like coming home to a quiet house, all kids asleep, and joining my husband and daughter in the amazing, the enormous, the much appreciated, the intimacy saving, KING SIZED BED. Mia awoke, crawled over to me across the chasm and snuggled into my arms. She was so soft and warm. She smelled of lavender from her bath, mixed with a bit of sweat in her baby fine hair.
Bliss. Pure bliss.
All the colors of Mexico - August 17, 2005 -
So, I posted my pity party post………….and then my husband brought the mail home, and I opened a package that contained this:
and I cannot tell you how brilliant the timing was. Neither can I describe the amazing colors and how perfect the emerald green in the bowl matches my kitchen.
Kathy, thank you so much for brightening my day today with all the colors of Mexico!!! I needed it soooo very bad this evening in light of my news. The timing was priceless. I absolutely love it!!!
A future visit to the OR - August 17, 2005 -
Have had a long day.
Quinn had an appointment with his orthopedic doc, and the news was not the best. I was expecting it, but it is still hurts my mind. His foot was doing so great, then he had a HUGE growth spurt and all the stretching in the world was not going to work.
Quinn will have to have surgery on his clubfoot leg. He will be getting what is called a TAL(tendo Achilles lengthening) and a posterior tibial lengthening. As far as clubfoot surgery goes, this is very minor. He will have a 1 1/2 inch incision in his calf area, and the Achilles and the posterior tibialis will be lengthened at the point of muscle insertion. He will be in the hospital for a day, then in a cast for 4 weeks, and it will be a walking cast at that.
Thank God we did the Dimeglio method, because without it, Quinn would have had major reconstructive surgery, and recurrent problems his whole life. Right now, his foot is structurally normal, meaning that all the bones are in the right place. It is also completely functional. It is just that the tight Achilles is keeping him from flexing his foot properly, and he is walking without putting the heel of his foot down all the way. If it continues, then the foot can start changing structurally, and we do not want that.
While I am aware that there are worse things that could happen and I am well aware of my blessings and how fortunate we are, I am still whacked out and trying to process this information. I can’t even begin to sort out the swirl of thoughts I am having, one of which is that we screwed up by not continuing through his 4th year with the use of the DBB brace that he wore at night. I am mentally beating myself up for this, and no amount of encouragement will make me feel better about it. There is no turning back, and I screwed up royally, IMHO. Supposedly they should not have to wear the brace after age 4, but we should have continued….I am convinced of this.
You cannot know how frustrated I feel. You could never understand how hard the 6 months of DAILY 4 hour round trips to the physical therapist were (we lived 2 hours from the therapist and doctor). This was followed by 3 more months of 3x week therapy, followed by 2 X week for another 3 months. You will never know how much love, heartache, time and effort was put into correcting his beautiful little foot. I wanted so much to avoid surgery for him, but his clubfoot was so severe, and it seems that we have always known that this time would come….no matter how far into the sand I buried my head and heart. Many tears were cried, and it seems they will continue.
I welcome questions, although I may not have all the answers yet, as my brain is frozen and in need of lots of beer to lube it up a bit. Also, I need to finish my little pity party.
